


Proper Menacing

by AnnetheCatDetective



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mood Chameleon, hand holding, heart eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 21:45:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19237702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnetheCatDetective/pseuds/AnnetheCatDetective
Summary: Another prompt meme fill, the request being for Hastur and Ligur holding hands, and it just not sending the right kind of demonic message.





	Proper Menacing

    "We are here to dizzzcusszz your reczzent performanzzzzz." Beelzebub frowned.

  
  
    Of course, this was Hell, and Beelzebub always frowned. It was part of the Look. And so Hastur and Ligur, dukes of Hell, could be forgiven for thinking that this might be a commendation. They hadn't spent a lot of time on Earth, what with their duties Below, but when they did, they got things done. And with the end times to look forward to, they'd been putting in a lot more lurking time. A lot of silent menace and evil thoughts. When you were in the home stretch, every little bit counted, after all. They'd done their bit with the baby, and they were in the loop when it counted, more or less, but much of the time they were free to sow the seeds of wickedness while they still had the time.  
  


    It was sort of nice. Almost a shame they hadn't thought to do more lurking sooner, since it was all ending within the decade, but that was life. Until it wasn't.  
  


    They'd lurked in cinemas, and in parks at night, and in nightclubs. And in alleys outside of cinemas and nightclubs, which was a prime location for sin.  
  


    "We've been doing some of our best lurking, I'd thought." Hastur nodded. He was quite proud of it.  
  


    "No." Beelzebub frowned even harder, since the initial frowning hadn't done it.   
  


    "No?" Ligur frowned as well. He'd been on the same page as Hastur. He'd especially liked lurking in the back row of the cinema. He'd never been to one before, and while he couldn't figure how they moved all around from place to place, or how the actors sometimes got all big, or why the stage had been replaced by a wall and how that worked, he'd liked the show they put on. He'd even stood up to clap, at the end.  
  


    "No."  
  


    "We've been proper menacing, I thought." Hastur glanced at him, frowning a bit himself over the dulled color to his chameleon.  
  


    "You've been HOLDING HANDZZZ!"   
  


    "Well... yeah." Ligur blinked. Hastur's hand took his own, and his chameleon went half-pink.  
  


    "There are heartzzz. in. your. eyezzzz." Beelzebub accused.  
  


    Hastur and Ligur looked to each other in surprise.  
  


    "Well I don't mean to." Ligur shrugged, and tried not to smile in too un-demonic a manner. "Can't control what my eyes look like."  
  


    "Yeah, no one can control what his eyes look like, that's not a fair expectation." Hastur nodded.  
  


    "If you didn't hold HANDZZZ, perhapzzzzzz thisz would not HAPPEN."  
  


    They both frowned deeply at that. The hearts in Ligur's eyes fizzled out into a dull and ordinary round pupil, in a listless grey. Their hands un-clasped, and jammed themselves into overcoat pockets.  
  


    They tried lurking without holding hands, but it just wasn't the same. The cinema in particular lost a lot of its luster, and the park seemed a bit boring without the hand-holding... even the alley outside the nightclub just didn't sparkle the way it once had.  
  


    They were lurking in the park at night when they ran into Crowley. Neither had seen him since delivering the Antichrist (the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness) to him, a year back.  
  


    He didn't seem happy to see them, but that wasn't suspicious-- or, it was suspicious in the normal way. Most demons didn't like to run into each other all unexpected-like, and there was a mutual paranoid distrust between the two of them and Crowley. Why he was happy with a post on earth and no title, squirrely little snake bastard, neither of them could figure. And what kind of demons would they be if they weren't envious of his favor with their master? He hadn't done much to earn it the past five hundred years. He was a little weird, but you get a couple major temptations and you start getting away with not committing murders.  
  


    "Are you, er... planning on lurking here long?" Crowley asked, nerves just bleeding off him.  
  


    Ligur couldn't even get excited about watching the snake squirm.   
  


    "Probably not." He shrugged. They might go stand under one of the lamps and catch bugs... but suppose Beelzebub thought it wasn't proper menacing, him feeding moths to Hastur's toad? Listening to the happy little sounds it made as it swallowed... watching the sweet little look of satisfaction it wore when it devoured a little life...  
  


    "Yeah." Hastur kicked at a pebble. Viciously. "Rotten place for lurking, anyway. Ain't been nobody to tempt to mortal sin here in an age, it's all families now. And they go home before dark."  
  


    "We caught a drug deal, once." Ligur smiled briefly at the memory. Only, they'd interrupted one that had already been set up, so it wasn't really a victory. If anything, they'd interrupted the distribution process...  
  


    The hand-holding had been good, though.  
  


    "Is something going on, is this-- I mean is this business with me?" Crowley, sweating, looked over his shoulder towards some distant gazebo.  
  


    Now that looked like a nice spot for lurking. Well, it would be, if they could hold hands.  
  


    They were, in fact, holding hands. Hastur realized it about the same time as Ligur did, and Ligur realized it around when Crowley did. Crowley had turned back to them and noticed it straight off.  
  


    "Is that what Beelzebub wanted to see you about?" Crowley asked. He avoided going back Down whenever possible, but they'd called him for a meeting. He'd heard he wasn't the only one called in.  
  


    "What do you mean?"  
  


    "Well, the... pink lizard. The heart eyes."  
  


    "That just happens." Ligur frowned. "When he holds my hand."  
  


    "Yeah, can't be helped." Hastur's chin jutted forward.  
  


    "I can see your problem." Crowley said. The worst part was, he really could.   
  


    "Not proper menacing, she thought." Ligur sighed, taking his hand back with a little glance towards Hastur, his chameleon fading from pink to yellow-green.  
  


    "I think Beelzebub... just isn't considering the real power of your... creative lurking." Crowley said. "That's what comes of not knowing the territory. Now, I know the territory."  
  


    "... Yeah?" Hastur gave him a hard look. He didn't trust him half the distance he could throw him-- not a quarter, even. But he really wanted to hold Ligur's hand, and he was willing to entertain desperate options.  
  


    Crowley gave another nervous glance over his shoulder. Someone was approaching the distant structure from the other direction, but there was no one within earshot, at this hour. The park was largely empty.  
  


    Crowley gave them a list of promising leads, suggesting these required more of a double-act. A mutual favor.  
  


    Hand in hand, Hastur and Ligur went to go and menace a series of prideful and hard-hearted politicians and a few men of faith who they now had on good authority-- or at any rate, on Crowley's authority-- would fall to Hell when all was said and done. And when they saw the reactions they got, well...  
  


    They felt proper menacing.


End file.
